Your mouth is God's brothel.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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