you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
