I think my fart just growled at me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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