is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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