You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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