Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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