i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
a search helicopter?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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