Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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