This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
