halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
