Well apparently he's into motor boating.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
