Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk is not a location!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
