Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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