omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This baby is an asshole
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
