I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
