Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
