so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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