I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
