epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
