At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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