you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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