just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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