You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
