She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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