some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
