Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
