i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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