How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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