i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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