i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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