woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
