Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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