did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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