im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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