Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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