i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
