dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
