My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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