Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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