i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
