You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
