I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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