she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
