genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
