Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
