I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
