haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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