Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize