So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
