these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dicks are not precious.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Success! We fucked roommates!
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