Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
