my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
