my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
