How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is pants optional.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
