Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He has the fingertips of a God
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
