that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
