Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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