My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
