Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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