I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
