bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
