Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we're so committed to being not committed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
