please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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