3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
