I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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